There is no excuse for me leaving. Sorry. I’m sorry, I just needed time to get myself together, college has been such a stress, but freshman year is finally over. AND now the biggest question arises and I still have no answer for it yet. WHO AM I, whether I am a student, daughter, friend, civilian, designer, I must decide my own fate and at the moment I’m so confused on what I will pursue in the future. It’s really made me think of my roots and where I came from. I know very little about my family tree other than the little riddles my parents throw together to teach us a lesson. It’s really lead me to keep myself heavily guarded up because I’m ashamed of what seems like to be another sad story.
Lately growing up came with a huge price to pay such as finding working, being responsible for my own things. And even though it seems so inevitable for some reason I expected that it would be different. But lately all I could think about is the fear of failure, the fear of being a disgrace to my family. And I really lost myself! I don’t even know what it means to be Katelyn.
The worst part of this is that I feel like I’ve been living a lie. Everything I stand for is based off something, someone. In every choice I make I feel like I’ve been doing it for someone else. Like I’m another doll in a doll house. Another ant in an army of ants. Irrelevant. I feel like if I stop forcing myself to do this things I will drown, that I won’t be able to stay afloat.
I’m sorry that this is such a depressing post. I just need some time. I’m just tired. So tired of assisting others who could careless about what happens to me. I just want to know that someone out there likes me for me, with all my flaws and all. Someone who actually takes the time to call and see how I am. Someone that wants to hang out everyday and still never get annoyed by me. I’m sorry I’m not perfect but I’m trying I PROMISE.
Now onto the happy news. Hopefully I will get this site back up and maybe the design site too. love you xx. Best wishes.
BTW GAY MARRIAGE was legalized in America so congrats to all those who got married and to those who are going to best of luck. WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE. hahah